• 0zz

Something Else To Add To My List

over the past few days i think i have come up with something real that i want. not that the other things arent but you know. i want to be understood. is that so much to ask? apparently it is. very few people understand me well and straight nobody understands me completely. not that i expect them to though. i dont even really understand myself. ::shrug:: i guess i just expected people to understand me a bit more...like know a bit more of what makes me tick. maybe this is my fault...i tend to keep so much hidden from people.


so my mom and dad always tell me, "cuz i know you!" and i just kind of accepted it. but now its like do they really know me? i dont think they do. if they did then they would know i want to move in with larry instead of wasting my time in a college dorm. i HATE the dorms. but they want me to "get the full college experience". please excuse me while i puke. my mom wants me to hang with the art majors. hang with the drama people. sorry thats not my scene. i mean they are all nice people and what have you and i have some friends who are art and drama but the bulk of my friends consist of...and i hate to say this...specially in light of what's recently gone down...but most of my friends are jocks. there it is plain and simple. i am a jock with jock friends. i would much rather go down and lift weights or swim than go see a play or an art show. id be bored to tears. ::sigh:: but no. thats not part of the "full college experience". fuck the full college experience.

i'm not all jock though. because everyone who knows me knows that my loyalty is with my friends and the people i actually care about. i used to skip practice and lie to my parents every single day to go see larry. and swim team was my life for 3 years...swim team was my everything. if i wasnt swimming i was basically dead. i mean i want to swim for slippery rock next year but if one of my friends needs me elsewhere then i will fuck that team over so fast. even if dani comes home (to VA) for a short time during basic or whatever and i have a meet then i'm scratching every single one of my events. and id never look back or regret it. cuz i value my friends and those i love and care about way more than any sports team.

i'm not even sure that i really do fit in with jock...maybe part of me does. but i'm also a writer. why else do you think i sat on the EDDAS staff, got fucked over royally no matter what i did and continued to take it instead of walking away? cuz i write. im a writer. thats what i do. i stick up for my writing and my work.

well now if you will excuse me i'm going to go smoke with hunter davis, my mom's old college english professor. i need to get the "full college experience"...
  • Current Music
    Garbage: Push It

(no subject)

When I joined, I guess I never introduced myself. I'm Jessie, a lost teenager basically. I already wrote all the goals I could think of. I'm kinda moody but extremely artistic and creative. I'm learning the guitar so I can soon write songs....my whole world revolves around music and writing to make a long description short. I am a confused person, prolly like half of the population. If anyone wants to share writing samples, I'm available. I gotta go play my guitar though...later
  • Current Music
    Alkaline Trio-Another Innocent Girl

so you wanna know my dreams of the future eh?

Just real quick, for those of you who dont know me... Im Austin, 20 from NY... Live at home, going to Community College for now I think thats enough until im bored and write about my past ;)

Welp, lets get to it than shall we? If you really wanna know what I would do if I could... I would tell you being a comedian and/or actor. Then whats the problem you say? Well I dont have the patience to live the life they live until they become famous... It doesnt work for me, and I cant devote myself whole heartedly to it... Therefore, the people I know who say I should do either(and this has come from people who do acting for a living). get that as their answer.

So then what are my plans? At this point Im looking to finish paying off my bills and get my GPA up by end of Fall semester. From there I want to transfer out of DCC to, most likely, a school out in LA, CA. To be honest, if I can bring up my GPA, I should have no problem getting into just about any school, my SAT score is something like 1300 and with a good GPA I should be fine. I may even take the SAT's a second time, since I took it the first time after i had been out of school for a year, and see if i can do a bit better.

Why California you ask? A few reasons: I need to get as far away from my family as possible. DOnt get me wrong, I love them to death, I have just had enough of them and I need to strike out on my own. I also LOVE the climate out there. The weather is all I could ask for and then some. Ive always wanted to live there, and once I visited, I loved it... Even tho the people are a bit strange. And the final and most important reason... The love of my life moved out there a little over a year ago, and I want to be near her again...

Once I transfer schools I plan to Double Major and Double Minor... I havent decided which will go where because I love them all very much so and can see myself working in these fields... Psychology, Computer Science(more specifically animation/graphic work/design), Quantum/Meta Physics and Philosophy. Philosophy will be a minor since I dont see myself teaching it or becoming a philospher :-p

Anyway, thats my basic idea of what I want from the near future... I can make plenty of posts in hear as to what I want after that and what in my past makes me the way I am/will be in the future... But its late, and those will come at another time... Hope you enjoyed this...

Thanks Dani for this wonderful community, I couldnt be happier posting here :)
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
  • 0zz


weird...now that i wrote that first entry i have no idea what to do with this journal...::shrug::

tina is not used to these diary circles sooooooo yeah...
  • Current Music
    Ozzy Osbourne: Buried Alive